I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
