I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
