I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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