guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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