woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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