Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
