I think my vagina is haunted
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
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