porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
