She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
