Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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