a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
