Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
