I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
