all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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