she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
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She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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