I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
