Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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