I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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