after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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