the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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