Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
