can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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