Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
