What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
