Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
