I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
