Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
