Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
