Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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