I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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