how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
