He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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