i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
