i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
