We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
