just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
