I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
