is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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