oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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