you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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