I hope mine doesn't look like that
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
