they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
