Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
