Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
