Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
