i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
