Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
