sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
