please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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