I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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