am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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