I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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