she kept yelling 'call me bella'
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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