You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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