If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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