you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
