So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
