Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
