EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
