Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
