I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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