Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
