i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
