i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
