TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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