Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
