I got chris browned last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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