just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
