Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
