In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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