oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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